Parenting from A to Z

Sometimes I literally feel like I go through plans A through Z figuring out how to overcome new issues with the kids.  I am always reading some new book or article about what to say and do or how to get your kids to do this or that.  Usually I find a few good nuggets to test out on the kiddos. Recently, I have tried a few new things, some that ended well and some that didn't but how else will I learn to be a good Mom if I don't keep trying?

A few weeks ago at school Ben's teacher asked all the kids what their Mommy's and Daddy's did best. Ben had some answers that really surprised me!  Matt of course loved his answers but I did not. You can see Ben's response about his Daddy below "Plays with me" - awww so sweet, what a great Daddy.

Here's Ben's response for what his Mommy does, "Puts me in time out."  That Mommy doesn't sound like much fun does she?  And guess what?  This Mommy should probably put a certain little boy in time out more often but he's so cute.  We teased him about this for a few days and he finally started answering my quizzes about what I do with better answers. So funny what kids will say!

My longest running success of late was a new phrase that I got from a positive parenting webcast I watched. See I learned after that "time out" comment...time to turn things around.  The technique is called "When and Then".  I find I can use it pretty much anytime the kids ask for anything.  For example if Ben says he wants a cookie, I say back to him "When you eat your dinner then you can have a cookie."  If he asks again I repeat over and over.  It's not "no" but it's telling him that he can have what he wants when he does what he needs to do.  I've had a lot of success with this and it has cut down on the arguing and whining.  I may perhaps have overused it though since one day I asked Ben to get his juice cup and bring it to the kitchen so I could refill it before dinner.  He said "You get my cup." So I told him "No, if you want juice with dinner please bring me your cup." His reply shows he's listening to me and also that he's a tricky one.  He said, "When you get my juice cup, then you can fill it up for me."  Needless to say I did not get that juice cup.  I won't be tricked into doing things by a three year old!

The other thing I've put in place this summer to get things moving in the morning in preparation for Kenzie having to catch the school bus was a morning routine chart that shows "What I Need To Do" before I can do the what I want to do like watch cartoons or color.

I had the kids help me make these pages with my scrapbook stuff that they are always begging me to get in to.  Each one shows the four things they need to do in the morning before they can play.  It has made my mornings simpler to just point them back to their chart to make sure they have done all the things they need to do.  It cuts down arguments since it's pretty clear what's required.

They both need to:
- Eat Breakfast
- Brush Teeth
- Brush Hair (that's an easy one for Ben but hey he's three)
- Get dressed (their clothes are already picked out in their closet hanging cubbies)

Now I'm thinking I need some bedtime charts to round out the day.  I've also heard of making charts where the pictures can move so you can tell the kids they can decide the order but they all still need to get done.  I suspect my kids will grow to hate me saying, "Do the things you need to so you can do the things you want to do" every time they ask to do something fun before they have checked their list.

One main thing I've learned about parenting is that your job is never done and you never have it all figured out.  Just when you find something that is working the kids grow and change and you have to reach out and ask friends what they've tried or read a new book or find some ideas online.  If nothing else it will keep my mind active as I age.